he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
