Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize