He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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