You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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