Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize