And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
