I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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