you guys were way drunker than both of me
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
