He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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