ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
