I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
