I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
