dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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