where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
