May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
