I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
