he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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