Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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