I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
