The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Randomize
