ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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