his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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