There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
