its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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