Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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