I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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