Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
