Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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