Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
