I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
