I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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