Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
