i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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