I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
