At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize