you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
