U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
