I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize