Where is the hickey?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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