I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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