I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
