Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
