So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
