I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
