omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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