I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
