So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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