So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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