I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Randomize
