We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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