Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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