I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She said her name was "party"
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
