How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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