I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
