Your face is a jimmy john
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
