i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
