yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
