he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just gift wrapped bread.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
