non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
