THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
