three words: i give head
three words: not that well
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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