why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Randomize