Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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