its not stalking. its research.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
