no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
